the needy sicko.

Last Friday I thought I'd come down with a cold. And then it got worse and worse and I was feeling extremely weak and fevered. It got to the point on Monday where I could do nothing. I couldn't hold my baby or feed her. Dru said all I needed to do was pump every three hours and he would feed her a bottle and do everything else, but sitting up in bed to pump for all of five minutes was a huge challenge physically. When my fever was 103.5 for 18 hours Dru said, "Your going to the doctor, now." Come to find out I have pneumonia. They did chest x-rays and the doctor said it's a bad case and I could be weak and sick feeling for 6 weeks. I cried in the exam room. I felt so defeated, and helpless...not to mention sick. They were telling me I should consider not breastfeeding because of the strong antibiotics they were giving me (they immediately gave me a shot of antibiotics in the office and then my prescription).

It's easier to feel needed than needy. I'm finding I like to be in control of my life and I crave the ability to handle all things, and all things well. Jennifer did a great post about this. One thing she wrote about was how hard it can be for us to ask for help because we're not humble and she went much more into why we should be willing to say we need a hand, and how we should make ourselves available to helping others in their time of need. For me it can also be difficult to want help because I want things done a certain way so I figure I'll just do it myself. I want my towels folded a particular way, my floors cleaned in a certain way, my baby burped like this, not like that, etc. I can be too picky and not be grateful enough for the help I receive. My mom and sisters have already spent alot of time over here serving us since I've been sick. And I wouldn't have survived without them! I'm learning how to receive help. It is easier asking my family, but still hard. And I'm learning to be specific about what I need but to try to let things go that are not significant. I'm trying to be very grateful for everything they do. I know you guys are reading this, and I do really appreciate all the time you've spent here already and all the things you've done. My sister Megan rushed over for me on Monday when the sick feeling hit me like a ton of bricks. My mom has done Violet's late night, middle of the night, and early morning feelings for the last 2 nights so Dru and I both could rest. Callie has been here to help too and yesterday after hearing me mention to Dru that V needed some onesies she went to the store and bought them for Violet as a gift. I'm really blessed to have their willing help.

Please pray for us if you think of it. Pray that I would recover quickly and mostly that our baby would be protected from infection. Her pediatrician has said that it is actually safe to breastfeed her on the antibiotics. Of course, it's not optimal, but she said other antibiotics are worse and to take acidophilus (a probiotic) which will promote the good bacteria (I think?).

This morning I'm beginning to already feel better. My fever broke last night and I'm feeling stronger. Dru's parents are coming in tomorrow to visit for a week. They really just want to see Violet, I'm sure :). And they'll be getting alot more of her now! But I'm really hoping to regain strength so I can enjoy this visit and we can get out and do some fun things together.