Uncomfortably yours

I was going to say that I'm sorry if this makes you uncomfortable.

But I don't think I am.

Because for several months I've felt a burning desire to write more but could never find the space and time. But, for the last 5 weeks, I've made space and time in very specific ways.

For 2 weeks nothing came.

Then a whole bunch has come. And this is just one of those things that came all at once while I was on a walk (although it's definitely from a variety of thoughts and experiences I've been lingering on) and just seemed like it was something.

And, while this poem is dark, I wholeheartedly say thank you to my friends who do show up, and get curious, and awkward, and listen, and love even though it is hard. I do not take for granted that I have struck gold in the relationship realm. My family and my friends are my best thing. We are each other's best thing. I am so rich because of many of you.

Here goes.

Our Pinterest-y homes

do they have any heart

You used to tell me 'just come by'

You wouldn't clean up

We all want to connect

Just have some fun

So long as we're left alone for

our 9pm Netflix reruns

Y'all used to linger

Didn't hurry off when it lulled

You'd stay so long past dinner we'd

invite you 'just stay over'

Now we've all got an algorithm

that tells us we're right

It's the lullaby that hums our

egos to sleep every night

I'm sorry I wasn't gentle

Coping, I pretend

And it seems like the porn makes you forget

how to just be my friend

I often rhyme figuratively

Am I being too harsh

We're all down to connect til we remember

connecting is hard

I'm just feeling heavy

Just having a low

Just realized with some shit

there's no where I can go

Cause good girls don't talk

'bout how they masturbate

And you never told us you guys got in a fight

and that's why you were late

You never mentioned

the debt that you carry

You never mentioned the nightmares you still have

of your dad gettin scary

But don't come get curious

Get back to the 'gram

Don't show up and get awkward and find out

what we could have had