peace.

I feel more peace today.  I felt many distinct moments throughout the day of acceptance.  Thank you all so much for your kind words here or on facebook or through text or in person.  Really, they have helped me so much.  Many of you have gone through things much more difficult than I but are still able to surrender to and find peace His perfect, good plan.  That speaks to me and gives me so much courage.  So, thank you!

This timely quote that my pastor tweeted yesterday helped me:

God has no problems, only plans.  --Corrie ten Boom

I also loved what my Aunt Mary shared with me.  Part of what she said is:

your pure intention for little mowgli to be truly loved, truly committed to, lifted up and nourished is being heard and answered by a father who loves each of us more deeply than we can humanly imagine. as you pray, sit in the cone of grace, breathe in the peace of jesus and on your exhale, release any resistance to his plan, any mis-trust in the outcome. The hardest part about having faith, is having faith...faith that no matter what, God is cradling every detail of this beautiful souls earthly and eternal life in the palm of his hand and close to the grace of his heart. Everything unfolds exactly as it should, and when we are ready for it, we are gifted with the awareness of it's purpose and beauty.

Because God's love for us is so deep, I know I can trust him.  And I am finding rest there today.

I'm so grateful for M, and that we've been allowed the opportunity to know him and share life with him.  I woke up today thinking I'd have breakdowns all day long.  But I didn't.  I mean, I'm sure more of that will come if we actually have to say goodbye, but today I really just enjoyed him and tried to soak him up and appreciate that my life has been blessed by his.

I talked more with our agency today and it's more of the same.  Family always wins.  So, if the paternal grandparents are approved, M is theirs.  We have been directed that if we want to request that this transition take place more slowly, or that we could, somehow, remain involved in M's life, that we should pursue a healthy relationship with the father and his family.  Reach out.  Be understanding, supportive, and offer to help.  You best believe Dru and I are gonna be there every Monday with our boy (dad gets a 1 hr visit every Monday).  We'll be chatting it up with Daddy and making friends.  Offering to do whatever we can for the two of them.  If you are praying, please pray that God will bless us with a healthy relationship so that we can serve M in this potential transition.