My facebook status from Wednesday evening:
You just never know when you'll be sitting at dinner with the fam and you get a call about a little boy who needs a home tonight. Heart-wrenching and humbling. We are excited to be welcoming a 1-year-old boy into our home in just a little bit!
Very sadly, we had to turn down 2 different calls on children last week. It felt pretty awful to say that, no, we couldn't do it. But, the last placement of the sibling set we had was quite a handful and we felt like if we took a placement immediately following them we needed to be more specific on what we could handle. I was really struggling with feeling like a failure for having such a hard time with the last two and saying no to two more calls. Also, just battling anxiety about the future and what God may have for us. (Adoption sounds scary.... fostering is draining...maybe I'll get pregnant again?...that's looking bleak)
But when this call came and they told me everything about the situation I didn't even ask Dru what he thought (as we had agreed we would do). I just knew somehow that he would feel the same way I did and that this was one we should take. I was right. :) Whew!
He's got our hearts on a string. I'm getting really attached. He's just, like, my buddy, and a sweet spirit to have around. He smiles all the time and never makes a peep (I sure wish he would, though!). He is a sweetie.
Please, please, please pray for his case! It is very complex right now. But there is a home study coming up for one person interested in him...personally, it doesn't sound good to me. Please pray that if that is not a good home for our little guy that the home study would fall through. We should know pretty quickly on that--like next week maybe? If that falls through, there is no one this guy is going to immediately. There are no family visits because there is, basically, no one. Part of me grieves this sorry, sorry situation that this baby is in. Part of me deeply grieves the life he has experienced his first 13 months of life. The rest of me is so grateful we get to be in his life at this time. And everything in me is aching.....for.....the A word..... for adoption. We'd love to keep this boy forever (of course, usually we are totally for reunification with the birth parents, that would be best. But, because of details I obviously am not and cannot cover here, reunification looks doubtful or at least in the distant future). Anyway, I'm putting my heart out there. I know I could get hurt and wish I had not said all that. I just know that with our first 3 placements I never felt "adoption" stirrings or desires. I didn't really think about it at all. It just seemed so obvious to me that our job with those children was to be a safe and happy place for them to rest temporarily. And, this time, the thoughts and feelings that weren't there before just keep popping up. I was feeling quite discouraged about this whole path last week. But, since our little guy came it's been freshly peaceful and happy around here and in my soul. I am grateful for the work he has given me to do today and I am hopeful for the future.
Friends, if you are so inclined, please call or text or ask if you want to hear more. I don't mind sharing what I can with those of you who are caring for us so kindly and want to be praying with us! I appreciate you all so much and it would do me good to talk personally about it and not just wonder who has read and who knows what. But, fb and blog are a good way for me to at least get the ever-changing info out there.
It's also been a big week around here because Violet has stared pre-school (at home). More on that soon!
You just never know when you'll be sitting at dinner with the fam and you get a call about a little boy who needs a home tonight. Heart-wrenching and humbling. We are excited to be welcoming a 1-year-old boy into our home in just a little bit!
Very sadly, we had to turn down 2 different calls on children last week. It felt pretty awful to say that, no, we couldn't do it. But, the last placement of the sibling set we had was quite a handful and we felt like if we took a placement immediately following them we needed to be more specific on what we could handle. I was really struggling with feeling like a failure for having such a hard time with the last two and saying no to two more calls. Also, just battling anxiety about the future and what God may have for us. (Adoption sounds scary.... fostering is draining...maybe I'll get pregnant again?...that's looking bleak)
But when this call came and they told me everything about the situation I didn't even ask Dru what he thought (as we had agreed we would do). I just knew somehow that he would feel the same way I did and that this was one we should take. I was right. :) Whew!
He's got our hearts on a string. I'm getting really attached. He's just, like, my buddy, and a sweet spirit to have around. He smiles all the time and never makes a peep (I sure wish he would, though!). He is a sweetie.
Please, please, please pray for his case! It is very complex right now. But there is a home study coming up for one person interested in him...personally, it doesn't sound good to me. Please pray that if that is not a good home for our little guy that the home study would fall through. We should know pretty quickly on that--like next week maybe? If that falls through, there is no one this guy is going to immediately. There are no family visits because there is, basically, no one. Part of me grieves this sorry, sorry situation that this baby is in. Part of me deeply grieves the life he has experienced his first 13 months of life. The rest of me is so grateful we get to be in his life at this time. And everything in me is aching.....for.....the A word..... for adoption. We'd love to keep this boy forever (of course, usually we are totally for reunification with the birth parents, that would be best. But, because of details I obviously am not and cannot cover here, reunification looks doubtful or at least in the distant future). Anyway, I'm putting my heart out there. I know I could get hurt and wish I had not said all that. I just know that with our first 3 placements I never felt "adoption" stirrings or desires. I didn't really think about it at all. It just seemed so obvious to me that our job with those children was to be a safe and happy place for them to rest temporarily. And, this time, the thoughts and feelings that weren't there before just keep popping up. I was feeling quite discouraged about this whole path last week. But, since our little guy came it's been freshly peaceful and happy around here and in my soul. I am grateful for the work he has given me to do today and I am hopeful for the future.
Friends, if you are so inclined, please call or text or ask if you want to hear more. I don't mind sharing what I can with those of you who are caring for us so kindly and want to be praying with us! I appreciate you all so much and it would do me good to talk personally about it and not just wonder who has read and who knows what. But, fb and blog are a good way for me to at least get the ever-changing info out there.
It's also been a big week around here because Violet has stared pre-school (at home). More on that soon!
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