I used to be really scared of fostering. "I could never do that." Probably said it a hundred times. I was thinking only of me and I was listening to fear not truth. I was paralyzed by fear of what would happen when such broken kiddos joined our home, and I was to scared to face what emotions might come when they left.

God began opening my heart to the role of fostering before we started on the journey. But he has done even more in opening my heart to this role as we have continued on. I think when we started the foster-to-adopt road I maybe saw fostering only as a means to an end --adoption. But, after going through some of the foster training my eyes have really been opened to a great need and a beautiful ministry that lies in fostering. I can honestly say I am really, really excited about this upcoming season. I am deeply humbled and sometimes emotional when I think of how God is allowing us to do this.

I'm seeing that to love kiddos doesn't mean I won't get hurt. We aren't in any way, shape, or form thinking that the road ahead will be easy. I'm still scared sometimes. But I am seeing that it is better to love freely than hold back. We aren't expecting having the kids to feel like a honeymoon, but I think when we look back over our lives we will say we are the ones who benefited the most from knowing these kids and we will live with an enduring gratitude at the opportunity to offer a picture of His free love that doesn't hold back because there is a cost. I don't ever want to forget that for Him to love broken me, there was a great, great cost. And I want to remember that, ultimately, to restrain where God has called us to love, is spiritual death. Not to mention a dull, not very fun and crazy sort of life! :)

This quote has been on my fridge:

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”

C.S. Lewis